I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
