thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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