Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Send help, water and tortillas.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
