So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
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Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
I love us.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
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Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap