OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
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Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
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I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.