no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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