There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice