Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?