Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.