Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.