Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.