i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
