I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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