He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
