Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize