the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
