My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
