What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
