I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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