I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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