i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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