My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
