Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
