Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
