oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
