and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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