i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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