This is not my ceiling
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
this will be a night to untag.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
