I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
