i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
