So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
