I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
