apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
