his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
