Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
