All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
