just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
