I wish I only lived at night.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
