so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.