Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
well you can't waste a boner
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Randomize
