I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I think I just shit out all my problems.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
