I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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