Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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