oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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