I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
