You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
my liver is dry heaving
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
