.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
