I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize