she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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