The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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