im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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