Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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