Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
