Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
