a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
