I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
