hell yes lets make some ravioli
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
