You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My cat gives me a boner
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
