Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
