WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
