Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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