Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
