i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
