So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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