I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
