If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she looked like the before picture.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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