haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
