i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
