Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
