wakey wakey hands off snakey
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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