i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize