for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Boobs are out for the taking
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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