Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
