also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
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I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
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The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize