loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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