I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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