I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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