I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
