i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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