Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
