Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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