I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
