Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
