i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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