Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
