Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
