Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
