I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
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I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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